OUR EGO

Being by ourselves is such a treat, it's said. Try being a twin. My whole life I have been accompanied by somebody, even since my creation, sharing my mother's womb with my twin. I do suffer from claustrophobia and dread confined spaces or tight sweaters. I don't like to be held tight and I really need my space. I noticed since my early teenage years I do have fear of going places alone it as it makes me anxious, and It was a challenge for me to find my own identity. Speaking in public does not come easily and social gatherings are overwhelming if I am approached by a bigger crowd. I am aware that not being alone, has given me insecurities while developing my independence. I started to doubt if my laughter was my own or my sister's. What a life dilemma, I have been given the biggest gift, my twin soulmate that I adore, but she confused me. It took me an extra amount of time and energy to find myself, in the midst of being a teenager. My identity was not mine only. We have been told by society, our family and our culture of our place in this world. The middle child, the single child, the twin, the smart one, the pretty one, the strong one, the troublemaker. We are given labels at a young age, the asthmatic, the studious, the temperamental, the distracted one. All these labels that we probably would have never given ourselves. I had a pile of them. Whenever people encountered the two of us, the same chant started, she is taller than her, "hold on come closer together", her eyes are bigger, her face is fuller, her jaw is squarer, her nose is bigger. She is heavier". And this social bullying happened on a daily basis.

I fortunately encountered a book that changed the narrative a bit later. It taught me that these labels, are masks that can me removed once we bring awareness. That they were a part of our so called "ego" and that they could be modified. They key was to ask myself which ones do I have that don't serve me and I didn't want to have. The negative labels in my mind. If I introduced myself to a new person, they would never guess I had all those masks. So I decide to work on getting rid of some that I was given. It felt liberating. I finally started to find my identity. One far from the one that was given to me. A kinder and more vulnerable one. I was able to finally cry in peace without making me feel like "the strong one". I was able to be held in peace without feeling "weak". I was finally in tune with my own self. My own humanity. Vulnerable, raw and honest. Some people come out of closets, some people come out of confined places with labels. I challenge you to be honest with yourself and find yours. See if you remove them, how lighter it feels. No need to fake anything, just be true to who you are, genuine and vulnerable. It's impossible to have no ego (masks), I think. But working on the awareness of them is what is liberating. To show kindness and grace at our wounded self. Our little child that was given these labels. The awareness that we can heal it. I don't want to focus on who gave me the labels, all I care about is now. I forgive and accept, times were different for me back then. I accept I have the power to change and create a new me, everyday and with every waking hour. So that is my power, my truth, and it is yours too. Let us show up for ourselves and show the world how we can align ourselves with the best version of ourselves. And when the old masks kick in, just be aware and let go, forgive yourself. You are only human. Now go find your labels and write them down.