Perfect.....or is it?

I consider myself a perfectionist. Ever since I can remember there has been a narrative within myself of achieving constant perfection. Maybe it comes from the fact that being cloned (being a twin), I sort of made it my goal in life, to be the better version of me so I would be different. Call it survival or attention seeker but yeah, I have been a perfectionist in many aspects of my life. I recently finished a book that opened my eyes. I strongly suggest you read it. It explained my brain functions so clearly, and I believe it can resonate with many people. The name is The Perfectionist Guide to Losing Control by Psychotherapist Katherine Morgan Schaffer. 

In her book, she explains how being a perfectionist is not a flaw but a gift to embrace. In her book, she explains the hidden, subconscious decisions we make throughout our lives without even knowing, and how they affect our lives. 

I can say that now, as I very recently became aware, I have been at a place where I can practice the joy of seeking peace. Reading has been my companion now that my house is quiet. Despite my lack of attention span and overachieving in creative projects, I can stay engaged for a bit longer. There could be a few dishes in the sink and they can wait. I can say no and not feel guilty. I can sit down and enjoy a few shows on Netflix and be ok with not being productive all the time. I am enjoying the stillness and solitude without feeling emptiness in my heart. The mourning for my busy loud nest has been pleasantly filling up with the noise of the birds I couldn’t hear before. The neighbor chickens. I can enjoy the sandy sounds of cutting an apple. The silent gratitude from my plants when I water them. The creaking wood floor with all the funny sounds. I find myself laughing at the clever solutions I discover for my home repairs. 

My life right now is filled, with peaceful moments. I am so grateful for that. I realize now that I have had those moments of peace all of my life but I wasn’t focusing so much on them because, well for starters, my life was so busy. When I looked out the window sometimes I was blank and my thoughts intertwined into an organized chaos. My brain was trained to find solutions for everything. My job was to put down fires and make everyone’s life beautiful. How exhausting right? Well, it was. But with that exhaustion came joy. Just a very different type of joy. The kind that gives you the energy to keep going. 

Back to the book. I was pleasantly surprised at how positive her message is. How it’s ok to ask yourself, what do I want? what do I need? what do I like?

What can we do to help our constant self-critique? The constant disconnect? Discontent? Emptiness? And not feeling enough? We pause. We reflect. We allow ourselves to feel. Feel everything, the good and the ugly. And yes it’s going to suck a lot and many times. But it’s not the actual problems and trivialities we encounter that suck! Is how we feel. We can’t change those but we can have a different outlook. For starters, for all of you who think you are Superwoman or Superman? Hang down the cape. You are not. You came to this planet not to live on a secluded island and survive. You came here in a family, community, town, or city, where like it or not there are people. Some may be your people, but if they are not, you can find new people. 

Change circles, sign up for new classes, and talk to different people.

This sense of community is extraordinarily important and powerful for our human healing. We need to accept our fragility and “ the strong” are the ones who ask for help. The most intelligent leaders say I don’t know and gather different people to find the best answer.

In a nutshell, and I beg you to read this book, I only learn that I know nothing still. I learned that I need to ask for more help. I learned that it’s ok to be fragile. I learned that life sometimes has no closure! That was a great chapter! And that the more we surrender the better chances we have to learn and heal. 

Now my energy is more centered. It came back towards me. My healing has been happening in front of my eyes, and I can see a bit more clearly. I invite you, not to wait until you are an empty nest, an older version of you, promoted, living in a different place, on vacation….you can enjoy your peaceful moments now. Find the biggest present of all for you this holiday season. The joy of finding peace. 

Those are my wishes for you. 

All my love.

Gabriela