Rain, Rain, go away?

Come again another day.......

-Drops of water can build a cloud that rains and nourishes beneath.

I have been asking myself questions lately that have no apparent answers. I am tempted to ask ChatGPT about them. The problem is that even the answers don’t make any sense. The questions remain. They are the mundane enigmas that can hunt me during my waking periods of this sublime stage called perimenopause. They happen between 2 and 4 am. It is why I find myself in front of the darkness outside my window, sitting in front of my laptop, writing, with the sweet neighbor’s rooster accompanying me. No matter the unknown, the questions, the what-ifs that pop into my brain are constant. I have to snap myself from the escalating, plunging, spiraling avalanche of thoughts. My brain can go from chopping my hair on a bob to joining a force to end human trafficking. It is extremely frustrating to live in redundant dilemmas, I know, and that’s what keeps us all in constant states of disarray and fear. So I ask myself the following: what if….. It all works out at the end?  This statement doesn’t have a detailed resolution; it is simply the best hypothetical "answered question".  I know, from past experiences, that floating between this irrational “reality” of hypotheticals keeps me away from peace or happiness. I know that there are many things out of my control. I believe, though, as hard as it is to understand, that in a quantum physical explanation, living in the “right reality” is possible. What I mean by it is, without further complications, we have the power of choice.

We can choose to stay in disbelief, fear, and anguish, or we can choose to let things be, definitely praying and surrounding our thoughts with light and hope, but surrendering to our reality.  I tend to be described as positive, and in this “cloud of positivity”, I shower myself every day. I must allow myself to feel anguish, frustration, doubt, and confusion. But daily, I must say, I choose to feel and then wash away with positivity at the end. It has been my savior. This little check-up, I allow myself to have, as a human. I remind myself of my duality, being fragile and strong at the same time. I allow myself to feel vulnerable, weak, in pain (like my swollen knee right now), and I take breaks from tiring activity (mental and physical) and slowly introduce myself to my normal pace, and feel strong again.

Listening at the moment to everything that is happening in the world, to all my fellow humans, who live surrounded by so many questions, unanswered, my only thought is, I hope we find the light and a drop of positivity and hopefully unite in a positive collective cloud, so we can keep showering our planet with more love and peace. I write in silence at the moment, with the hopes that we can all find our voice. Sharing our anguish and fears is the bravest act of self-love. Allowing light into the darkness of our humanity is a necessity. It is as vital as air in our lungs. We must speak up and share so that our experience becomes a lighter one. Being humble is something I have to remind myself to be every day. God only knows how much I have to bite my tongue thinking I have the answers. I am practicing to listen more so I can understand more. Today, I urge you to listen to your questions and share them. Sometimes the answers are so near. And I am not referring to Chat GPT, I mean around you. At a grocery store, with strangers, with friends, and with families. Connect, share, live with the 5-second rule of courage, just do it!!! 

I send you all my love. I share with you my courage in my weakest moments, my admiration towards all of us, from my humble pedestal that I stand on with pride. I stand by you. May my words find you hopeful and accepting of the good that will come. It always does. May you find the silver lining, the one that connects us all to the Higher One.

Stay hopeful. Here is my love to you.

Gabriela.