The sun always shines

No matter the weather, the sun always shines…. somewhere. Where I live now, I notice if it does, and cherish it deeply. I just finished witnessing the moon going down. The window is a bit open, letting the fresh morning in. I can hear two owls talking in the distance. The rest of the birds join them in an enchanting song. I wouldn’t be able to witness this magic earlier in my life. I now am awake before my neighbor’s rooster. The changes in my mind are for real. I am grateful for the hot flash that wakes me up religiously around the same time. Last month, it was 3:35, but now it has moved to 5. I have read that my brain is experiencing an enlightenment era. Women around my age are letting go of their fertility only to welcome their wisdom era. I am not sure if I am ready to let go. I am holding on to the last strand of it. I used to say, I can not wait! How amazing to be free of the uncomfortable anguish of the accidental mishaps, while juggling ten thousand things.  How liberating it must be to no longer go through that aisle and just focusing on buying food and fun stuff. Period. The days have gone by. I am here now, wondering if there will be a last time. Longing for the last sign I was given to create another life. I am forever grateful for the blessing of being a mother. I know it was in my cards to be one. I am not perfect, but for me motherhood was perfection. It has been giving me the motive to be alive. It gave me my secret powers. It made me the strongest human. It made me humble too. It gave me my entire purpose.

  I am just noticing movement outside my window. I see a group of deer walking by. I wonder how many of them are mothers.

I consider myself privileged with my current situation. I am an empty nester about to turn 50. I have the blessing to sit down in peace and quiet and hear myself, for the first time without interruptions. All these thoughts inundate my brain and now there is a calmer current. I have been developing the skill of treading the waters, slowly and vigilantly. At times, I can even separate myself from my emotions and just observe.  What am I feeling, thinking, saying, eating, reading, absorbing, sharing, giving, taking, loving, longing, hating. There is a voice in my head that I have begun listening more clearly. The one that took me to a doctor to seek help to aid my hormones.  The voice that asks me to read that article, and to bake that bread. I am listening to her loud and clear. She is wise. She is not finding excuses and noise. She is kind. She is giving. I smile when she reminds me I am only human. I love how she makes me smile. She keeps me company when I am alone.

 Maybe I am losing my mind with this menopause “nonsense”, but if I am, and I am finding my voice, then bring it on.  I can not believe how fast time went by and I am entering now the age of menopause. I am grateful for the freedom of speech around the subject. I am grateful for my husband listening kindly about my “meno reads”, and for letting me sleep. I am grateful for the clarity of my thoughts around it.

 I want to speak up and tell other women it is not that bad. It is just different. We are not becoming obsolete and ancient. We are becoming wiser. Our passions are shifting towards another type of creation. This new era is a new beginning. A time for reflection, gratitude, forgiveness and acceptance, love and self care. And I will tell you, it is a beautiful time.

I am looking outside the window now,  the sun is coming out slowly. It is bright and fiery, and I can feel the warmth. I wonder what the day will bring me. For now, a chirpy bird, keeping me company as I sip my coffee and write this nonsense. I hope I can inspire someone to quiet their mind, and listen to their own voice.

As I lower my eyeglasses, I think to myself, How ironic that my time to observe now comes with blurry vision. Thank you for reading my words. May you find your peace…. And many chic readers.

With Love,

Gabriela.